Masters of the Universe (2026)
ACTION/FANTASYAre you a fella in your forties? If so, great, I have the film for you!
Masters of the Universe's hero He-Man’s genesis is design by necessity. Toy company Mattel (Barbie, Hot Wheels) missed out on the Star Wars figures contract in 1976 and rolled the dice on a freakishly muscular Arian Adam and a world of now iconic (to a certain demographic) motley crew of oddity superheroes. It is, and has always been, as if Star Wars had IVF with Lord of the Rings and DC Comics spunked into the test tube.
Before the film rolled in the cinema, there was a toy commercial which was deliberately very 80’s. I want a toy Mummy, I want a toyyyyyyy. In fact, I had a He-Man toy which I was obsessed with and its leg got snapped off just below the knee. I think my sister did it but it was thirty five years ago and I’ve forgiven her. My Grandad said he’d fix him and unceremoniously melted a metal pegleg onto it, which was more traumatic than just the disarticulation.
“Just tell your friends he went to war”. Cheers Grandad, miss you but I’m still scarred. Flipping War-Vet-He-Man. I suppose I’ll just tell the other kids he has PTSD, I certainly did.
Masters of the Universe is updated with some contemporary jokes, a bit of real world setting and knowing cheese. While they do a poor job of covering Nicholas Galitzine’s muscles pre He-Man, this isn’t a drama and he’s fun in the role. Jared Leto is presumably only doing a vocal performance as a rubber/CGI Skeletor and that's fine, he hams him up appropriately as the baddie, reminiscent of the cartoon.
Idris Elba has become banal, his American accent was so wayward it made me wistful for Stringer Bell. This may also be that since Stringer Bell in The Wire, I have found Idris increasingly insufferable. Luther withstanding.
Acting is never why I went to see Masters of the Universe though, fun was. It is utterly insane, total nonsense, camper than Alan Carr on a Hen-do and childishly good fun. I loved it and even at a worrying two hours and twenty minutes I was never bored. How could you be with all these crazy toys characters constantly bombarding your eyeballs. I was in a wonderland of nostalgic euphoria.
Masters of the Universe is no more ridiculous than any other comic book film, it’s just noticeably nostalgic and has, I assume, a limited audience. It might not fly with everyone but seeing it in the cinema certainly helped. A bombastic 8/10, mainly for the joy it brought me and I needed some of that.
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