Primate (2025)
Horror/Creature Feature Rated 15 Spoiler Free Primate opens with a fantastic kill and early warning that in no way is this chimpanzee to be trusted, but if you didn’t know that chimps will rip your face off then that’s on you. Don’t find out the hard way. Anyway, a promising opening to a film I was excited for. Very quickly though, Primate peters into establishing some interchangeable stock characters/victims who I give less of a shit about than, well, than my last shit, or the hurty one I know is coming after that madras. Like any good horror film, the anticipation of that porcelain murder is fearful. That bland, standard slasher plot is par for the course in a bog standard horror, but I was hoping for more. God knows why. For some reason I was reminded of Splice, which is a good example of elevation of a creature feature to genuinely novel levels, but I’d need to revisit it. Pets are expensive and I can only imagine how much it costs to keep a primate, though feeding it your annoyin...
