99 (2024)
Spoiler alert, Manchester United Football Club had a very good year in 1999.
Why am I, an Arsenal fan who spent years hating Man United with a passion normally reserved for child murderers, watching the documentary 99 about their treble winning season? I’ll tell you for why, because I’m interested in seeing the nuts and bolts of the story behind it and that’s why documentaries exist.
Arsenal's biggest rivals at that time went and one-upped our double winning 1998 team the very next year and I am only just now over it. Just.
As much as I hated Manchester United back then, and now a bit, I definitely signed quite a few of their players on Championship Manager in those years. Possibly even Nicky Butt, though I could never confirm or deny that and he comes across really well in 99. How long do you have to film Roy Keane before he seems reasonable though? He’s been a pundit for ages and Sky Sports have never managed it. The makers of 99 must have years of footage of the cunt. It is never appropriate to heatbutt anyone, but if anyone was gonna get nutted… there are people less deserving.
“Dear God, please don’t make me like Roy Keane”. Now there’s a prayer. I wonder what the weirdest prayers the almighty’s admin have to sift through. I’ll bet there’s a lot of narcissists out there asking for ridiculously selfish things. God’s inbox is *allegedly* 99% Cristiano Ronaldo asking for a World Cup winner’s medal and an out of court settlement. Top level sportspeople put winning above everything to an almost psychopathic level; it’s both impressive and moderately depressing to see.
As it went on, 99 became less of a coherent watch and more my brain being fired off with random recollections and reflections such as at what point did the Premier League make footballers so rich they don’t have to work again after playing? It can’t have been the nineties. Perhaps it was, perhaps it was the Premier League. Also apparently you could still smoke in the stands in 1999?!
I used to go to Millwall a lot and all rules are out the window there; seating, smoking, flagrant drug taking. Yet to see any racism, well, after I stopped blacking up just for shits and gigs anyway*. Of the perhaps forgotten faces of that team Teddy Sheringham (Millwall!) is candid and funny Dwight Yorke is exceptionally entertaining. “Fuck it, we’ll have a go at these cunts now.” is up there with the more cerebral bon mots mustered over the three hours, but like I say 99 has Roy Keane in it.
I had forgotten that in 1999 just as in 2024 Spurs roll over and take it lovingly if they think it will bum Arsenal too, the cunts. To be fair, despite hating them I remember wanting Manchester United to win the European Cup, because they are an English team which is perhaps the genesis of my spiral into reality from tribalism. Or just further confirmation of xenophobia. Who knows.
How old is Alex Fergusson? If he’s younger than 80 he doesn’t look good for his age, if he’s older than 80 I have left the departure lounge for youth. Knife edge stuff in Adam’s living room as he checks… please be 79 you old soak... He’s 82 and I can now retire… when I get rich and stuff.
The Wayne Rooney doc on BBC Rooney 2004: World at His Feet is very good, by the way. Pretty sure that Portugal game cost my wall a chunk when I kicked it. Hearing “This is England’s greatest team ever, the Golden Generation” from the press hasn’t changed. It’s hard to tell isn’t it, because you tell us that every fucking tournament, you hyperbolic hypocrites.
Finally, footballers really don’t have any imagination when it comes to nicknames, do they. “Gigsy”, “Scholesy” and apparently “Keanesy” were monikers. Surely “Cuntsey” works better for the latter. All of these many musings, and the fact that I found 99 incredibly engrossing, mean that I liked it. For fucks sake.
99 is annoyingly good, much like that particular team. Exciting, interesting and with more breadth than it should have, I imagine Manchester United fans (or those who weren’t bred to dislike them) will score it higher than my 8/10, the Devils.
*OBVIOUSLY I don't and have never done this, it's a horrendous thing to do.
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