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Under Paris (2024)

Action/Horror/Sharks! Rated 15 Netflix Spoiler Free A film about a shark in the Seine? Yes please, I thought. Shortly followed by all the logical things one should ask such as why, how and is the Seine really a swimming hotspot? I’m a Londoner and the only people who swim in the Thames are dead people, and some of those are only dead because they swam in the Thames. In its defence, the Thames is a great way to dissolve a troublesome murder victim what with all the chemicals. Opening with the mako-cre of a team of aqua-boffs, some seriously sexy scientists, Under Paris is at once kinda good to look at and every bit the kind of idiotic crap I was expecting. As a shark geek, I did wonder how aggressive Makos actually are, because they aren’t famous for being bastards from what I recall. Bull sharks though, Bull sharks are arseholes, and they’re everywhere. The wasps of the sea. Under Paris really tries to sell its science early on, which I suppose is what it should do. The lone surviving

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