Lone Star (1996)

Drama/Mystery/Western

Rated 15

Spoiler Free

As part of our incredibly sporadic but very enjoyable “Soho lunch and cinema” day out, my friend and I went to see Lone Star. This time it was my choice, and after the allergy laden disaster of In the Mood For Love, I went for a western, a nice bit of gunslinging action, instead of a laborious love story. Choosing not to look up the film past its poster (I know, I know) I was flying blind into this mid nineties mystery.

Lunch was at Speedboat Bar, a Thai place with a pleasingly small menu and a frozen Johnnie Walker and soda drink on tap, which we gleefully soaked our spectacular and tasty food in. Regular readers (hi Mum) will know how much I love ceviche and the prawn ceviche was astonishing and with a decent kick. The pork, prawn and octopus in fried noodles with gravy was superb, and my mate’s ox cheek curry was packed with flavour.

We wandered to the cinema with full bellies and a lovely buzz from the booze. Then, disaster struck, the delicious meal had moved the rest of my digestive system along- I needed to free up space. I legged it to the loo leaving my friend to find our seats. I won’t go into detail but what is it with people? Rattling the door won't make me shit quicker, trust me pal if I could hurry this up I would.

The toilet terror never left me, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t distracting me a little; If I teleported to the porcelain to avoid disturbing people as I wandered in and out, would my clothes go with me? Or would I end up in a Soho shitter in my birthday suit and have to teleport back to redress in my seat?

Looks fun, right?

Lone Star was a 35mm screening, and carried the grainy charm of the old days. A murder mystery which leaps between timelines, it is well acted, but the story really takes some getting into. The cinematography and ambience are excellent, you feel the heat of the sun, but that wasn’t enough for me to ever really be gripped by it. Now, I fully accept a lot of this is on me, but I would not recommend going into Lone Star not knowing what it is about... and that there's very little action.

I was battling a food coma and an angry colon, but I was immediately very bored by Lone Star. Where are the shootouts? Now, this is entirely on me, but I am also writing a review of my experience so if I tried to pretend up a different day out, I definitely wouldn’t have also told you I had the shits.

Bedsit it?

Visually great, well acted and as for the sound… Everyone likes popcorn, the couple next to me so much they poured the kernels into their mouths, chomping on them like they were chewing on teeth. Lone Star was a let down partially of my own making. 5/10. (Speedboat Bar 10/10)

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