Bitesize Bedsit: Mortal Kombat (1995)

Mortal Kombat (1995)

Action/ Cinematic Catastrophe

Rated: 15

I'm not telling you where it is available

*Spoiler Free* As if that matters

I recently, having not owned one before, purchased a PS2. The enjoyment I got out of playing Mortal Kombat: Deception inspired me to seek out the film I recall seeing as a teenager and going “Ooh cool” at. 

Turns out teenage me was a fucking idiot. Adult me ain't much smarter for revisiting the scene of this cinematic back-street abortion. Mortal Kombat is a crime commited on cinema by its own volition. A willing participant, wallowing giddy eyed in the scrapheap of creativity and craft.

Usually I list the director and actors of a film I've watched. I wouldn't with Mortal Kombat- in order to save my fingers and keyboard the shame, but I feel like they all need a kick in the nuts. Who better to deliver that kick than a warrior! A keyboard warrior, but a warrior I tell thee.

Paul W. S. Anderson 

Christopher Lambert 

Linden Ashby 

and everyone else involved. All throwing in less effort than a Johnny Depp apology.

You could blame the flacid filmmaking on it being 1995, but Mortal Kombat is so cheesy it would be out of place in 1975. The video game which precedes it has more brutal and convincing combat. It is pure awfulness from frame one, I won't waste your time with the details, I'll simply lament the shame brought upon the noble art of film making by this wretched carrion; a festered, blistering corpse of a movie. 

I'll leave you with this thought. Someody green lit Mortal Kombat- AND THEN A SEQUEL.

Bedsit it? If you make it more than half way through Mortal Kombat, the Cinema Police will be coming for your eyes. You've clearly already had your brain taken. 1/10