The Bedsit Cinema Awards 2018
Much like the Oscars, the Bedsit Cinema Awards happen a year late, are put together by a team of degenerates, and are utterly self involved. Ok, one degenerate and some lovely friends. This year I'm joined by some great writers and film lovers.
This lot care about what makes good cinema. There is no deliberate attempt to be different, and these ephemeral awards celebrate our individual experiences of film over 2018. Hopefully you will have a laugh through this list, and find new films to enjoy... or miss.
We adore film, and we love you.
Terms and conditions apply.
Please welcome, follow and look into:
Marcus J. Richardson, Film Maker and Lad Reviews Founder
Shannon Watson, What the Flick Founder and film podcaster
Mark Carnochan, Actor and film writer
Each "award" is credited to the writer, so you know who loved/ hated each film. Many are hyperlinked to the review on the blog.
Whilst the first movie was far from a technical marvel, it had the benefit of having a big cast, a fantastic soundtrack, and a reasonably good story. It was a tonne of fun. But the same cannot be said for its sequel.
Following a story that reads like a children's picture book the movie includes a date-rapey Young Bill (who seems to have been glorified by the film's fans) as well as some of the worst choreography, and technical filmmaking, to have ever come out of any major movie ever
Overall, the entire film felt like it was thrown together at the last minute to make a quick buck and give the ageing actors involved an all inclusive holiday.
Following on from last year, the film which made me most sick since the clock turned 2018, and not in a good way.
Doesn't hold a disgusting, slippery jizz candle to the Hollywood circle-jerk La La Land. The Light Between Oceans was still so bad that I started clock watching only a few minutes in. A ghastly love story which tries to emotionally blackmail you into caring for the characters, after half an hour I hated them so much I was practically overjoyed at their (fictional) traumas.
The La La Land Award remains called so until a film out-shits it. 2019 Awards it returns.
Winner: One Punch Man. Not Rick and Morty? They were close, right up Saitama's bum crack! I love Rick and Morty but that is for another day. One Punch Man caught me off guard when I was looking for some background stuff whilst I played Xbox. Ended up binge watching this until the birds were up and about being noisy twats.
I love birds at all other times. Anyway, One Punch Man. Amazing animation, even better characters and funny little story lines. It is a little gory and not for young kids, but teenagers would be all over this and the teenager in me loved it. A cross between Rick and Morty, and Deadpool.
Marcus J. Richardson
Every year I get duped by the pretentious bastards at The Guardian into thinking a horror will be great only for it to be in no way scary whatsoever (#COUGHBabadookCOUGH#)
Having spent most of the year unemployed, this was a hard category to narrow down.
Charlie Brooker was right, television schedules are becoming a thing of the past.
Winner: Although I was delighted to see some genuinely great horror series this year, winner is The Handmaid's Tale - Beyond series one it is full of plot holes, but no less compelling. Came to both series of Handmaid's Tale this year, and after you acclimatise to all the rape and murder (takes a few episodes, there's a lot of it) it's a very powerful piece of TV.
Winner: Atypical - If you have ever known someone autistic or even someone with additional needs, you will know that things for them are different in life and also those around them. This is something that hits it head on but finds a wonderful balance of catharsis and humour to actually provide a very well rounded TV programme. Netflix house this wonderful show and for me it gets my 2018 Series of the Year!
GUN LUST! FUCK YEAH! With all those guns you'd think it wouldn't be down to an autistic British kid. Although his plan was bound for failure; he couldn't even get a gun in the States, or outwit American police.
I digress. Shows I loved against my better judgement:
While Hollywood Weapons is cheesy, I enjoyed the staged camaraderie between its host and weapons expert. Yes, I also like the weapons. Gun porn is a recurring theme in this section. What that says about me I do not want to acknowledge.
Doomsday Preppers is a slightly knowing look at the lunacy of people convinced a few pot noodles and canned fruit stashed underground with an assault rifle and 10,000 rounds of ammo will see them (“and my family”) safe from tidal waves, earthquakes, global financial collapse and/ or a zombie outbreak. Oddly, none of them mention their own President's megalomania and innate ability to start an argument in an empty room.
Stand out winner, though, is Meat Eater. This is called the guilty pleasure award and as a meat lover, I've never felt more guilty than watching a hunting show. I enjoy the camping element, I love the slight nature stance, the chase and yes, the guns. Host Steve Riddell is intelligent, considerate and ethical. Provided you don't think meat is murder.
Riddell tracks and stalks an animal, such as a giant moose bull. He finally gets the big old moose he's been tracking in his sights, he shoots the moose dead. Its magnificent, horned form slumps unceremoniously to the earth. Forever still. My heart dies with it. I feel sad for the moose and guilty for watching. That poor moose. Then Steve skins it, carves the bastard up and fries some of it. Mmm, delicious moose. Next episode please.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Would you like a moose burger?
Seems poor form to follow the previous award with this, but if you were expecting good taste in these awards then you haven't read the blog. All deaths come with added exclamation points! You're having fun because I'm telling you you are! Deaths! Gore!
A very strong category this year, due mainly to the fact that I knew I was doing awards from January so actually made notes. Star Wars finally showing lightsabers' destructive potential was impressive, but for the sheer recoil factor of Apostle, Apostle it is.
Winner: You Were Never Really Here. To me Lynne Ramsay’s latest movie is a modern day masterpiece. That word is thrown around a lot these days but I genuinely mean it with this movie because it's got every single thing right from its script to directing, depiction of mental health to the fantastically clever action scenes, the editing to the soundtrack. Those don’t even begin to cover it.
One of the best things about You Were Never Really Here is its original score by Radiohead guitarist Johnny Greenwood. Greenwood’s beautifully experimental soundtrack captures both the beauty of the film as well as the hideous setting the audience find themselves in. The score’s amazing ability to evoke emotion from the audience, all the while perfectly intertwining with the film itself, is what makes it the best soundtrack of the year.
Whether you like the film or not, surely you see through it? I'm glad cinema made by and featuring black people gets mainstream time and attention, but it's too late in my opinion. Moonlight was fucking brilliant, Beasts of the Southern Wild was mind blowing. Black Panther stank of a cynical money grab. Get (the fuck) Out.
It's probably obvious I didn't get to the cinema much this year, and Outlaw King was Netflix. Would have been fun on the big screen.
The Meg has a giant shark, A GIANT SHARK! Winner.
Tough choice! Ready Player One was definitely the most fun I’ve had in a cinema within the last twelve months.
2001: A Space Odyssey was by far the most beautiful experience. Seeing a masterpiece of the last fifty years on the big screen in 70mm was absolutely breathtaking. Hearing that score on those speakers and seeing this movie on the big screen creates a mesmerising experience like no other.
A Quiet Place has stolen the throne over these two great films. It’s a film that brings the audience together in a respective silence for the brilliance they see before their eyes. To fully experience A Quiet Place you really must see it in a cinema. It is a cathartic experience, and for this reason I can tell that this movie will see many returns to the big screen for years to come.
Winner: Pin Cushion. We’re not talking about Pin Cushion enough!
Criminally underrated, Pin Cushion is directed by fellow East Midlander and Derby University graduate, Deborah Haywood. It’s an intensely personal, extremely affecting look at mother/daughter dynamics. A dark, warped fairytale entwining the sickly sweet with mean and gnarly.
Any movie that can have that much of an affect on people is worthy of attention, but alas, it has remained mainly unspoken of in the film world.
Winner: Frances McDormand - Three Billboards. She's already received all the other awards; maybe I should have given it to someone else. Frances moved me and showed in an age of change how women really can kick ass and not just make a change but inspire and provide hope to others fighting a similar fight. She became an all time great with that performance and that is why she gets my 2018 Performance of the Year.
Dominic West is really only in there because I loved his flamboyant Jonathan in Pride, who stood out even in a film full of unique personalities and great performances. I'm going to go for Quvenzahné Wallis, astonishing for a girl of her age, in an amazing film.
This is an award made for French cinema. Raw. Finger scene and crotch shots. Yes I've got a semi but I'm very, very ashamed of it.
If this was an award for technical achievements, then Peter Jackson's brilliant They Shall Not Grow Old would run away with it.
The Cove is a scorchingly powerful and innovative documentary, but the day you ask me to care more about dolphins' plight than humans' is the day you've lost your damn mind. I do know the correlation between their welfare and ours; but we need to sort ourselves out.
While our selfish slaughter of dolphins is tragic, our misguided, hateful killing of one another hurts me more. Plus I choose the winner, so there.
Winner: November 13: Attack on Paris. I cried almost the whole way through.
Winner: Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri. Nothing came close to making me happy/angry/sad/inspired needing a poo more than Three Bilboards Outside Ebbing Missouri. It got my first 5 star review and Francis McDormand rightfully cleaned up awards wise, if you dont watch this, you're a big floppy willy. Although it isnt yet on Netflix, so you might need to grab a DVD of the tinterweb.
Winner: You Were Never Really Here/ Blindspotting (tied)
Winner: Suspiria. A tough one, but the last third of Suspiria is unlike anything I’ve seen before (and I loved the original too!). Gloriously gory, enviable choreography and full of female rage. A WTF moment I’ll enjoy again and again.
How did a series about modern day living dinosaurs jump the shark? Two words: fire dinosaurs. Fallen Kingdom is CGI nonsense from start to finish. And for those of you thinking you can trump this film, think again. The Meg didn't jump the shark because it was the god damned shark!
Winner: Live Aid (Bohemian Rhapsody)
The Witch in the Window
*I was told flidda was insensitive