Greg Wallace: The British Miracle Meat (2023)

Channel 4

Greg Wallace: The British Miracle Meat is on Channel 4, the most infuriating online platform of them all because you have to sit through so many adverts you could go for a constipated poo. Then, if you have the temerity to move away from it or skip on the timeline, the app will make you watch more adverts. Queue those poos up, just for something to do.

I put off watching the show which is apparently controversial and funny, my bag-o-beans, because of Channel 4. That network immediately makes me not want to watch things. Obviously I caved, or this wouldn't be a 500 odd word review.

Part of me wants to not spoil that The British Meat Miracle is a spoof but the other part of me knows that you aren’t an idiot. This is a mockumentary with satirical aspirations, starring a well known foodie who if I’m honest I only vaguely know.

At its strongest the half hour novelty delves into how desperate people are at the moment, or are destined to be, selling their body to be eaten for gas money. A pointed jab at the government but a cumbersome critique using cannibalism as its crux.

It's our unavoidable future, desperate measures, and it's not even a leap to us eating one another. We will feast on ourselves whether it's physically, systematically or if the Tories just eat all the poor people up monetarily then get bored and level up to flesh. You’d think with the Bullingdon Club they could all just sustain on soggy biscuits. Let them eat urinal cake.
Can you survive off of another guy's gear on a biscuit? I’m prepared to let the Tories try, so long as we can keep producing biscuits under their reign. I think all Tory MP’s should commit to endorsing the future of austerity by eating gloopy rich teas, it’ll be no different to their Oxford days. Do it on camera, slurp it up with the same face you ruin the population with, you scumbags.

My mental wander about Conservatisemen isn’t that far from eating farmed human flesh as The British Miracle Meat posits; Cum Guzzling Conservatives Volume 1, let’s crowdfund it.

Greg Whatshisname is such a caricature that it's more believable for him to do The British Miracle Meat than an actor. It's not leaning on his comedic timing or his general skill-set like delivering a line, he just has to be there to react and he does that well, he’s pantomime anyway. Brass Eye and Chris Morris this ain’t, and that lends to The British Meat Miracle’s believability.

It is deliciously devoted to skewering the UK’s descent into the poverty of survival, which is commendable, but The British Meat Miracle isn’t as clever as it thinks it is.
Bedsit it?

As divisive, debate starters go, The British Miracle Meat is pretty good. In fact, it's excellent. As a piece of entertainment, it's pretty average. You know what it's going to do immediately and it doesn't really let up or change. I like that it's pissing people off- that always makes me happy. Yum yum Tory cum, welcome to your future.6/10
For some reason I've reviewed a lot of cannibal entertainment. Check these reviews out!...


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