The Bedsit Cinema Cutting Room Floor: The Bad!
Having
written a hundred published reviews, in varying states of sobriety
and sanity, I thought it'd be fun to look over some of my unfinished
writing, tidy it up, and spew it out at you. Which is where we are
now! This is the films I perhaps wasn't so enamoured with, and for
whom I couldn't bring myself to finish completely. There are others,
but these are the biggest culprits of banal, boring or bad film
making. There is something of a theme.
I
don't get it, the women age to twenty five then never grow up? Or
grow up really slowly after reaching adulthood? Also how are they
reproducing? I'm not desperate to ejaculate XX all over this film,
because that would be crude and I wouldn't lower myself. Also the
film already does it. A battle hardened feminist society who wear
lippy as if they're on a hen do in Bognor? Please, that's men doing
that. “You can be feisty and independent and fierce, but we'd
better find you sexually attractive or you're getting no airtime.”
Watched
at home in 3D, oh did I not tell you the Bedsit Cinema is fully 3D
capable? Of course it is. I fucking love 3D, it adds a depth to the
picture which puts you more in the story. In my opinion. Plus the
glasses make excellent shades if you're skint.
Finding
it very boring early on.
Oooh,
Ok. The women are sculpted from clay and brought to life by Zeus!
Swipe me, how the other half live.
The
English aren't portrayed well, which is fair; we're cunts. Although I
am also half Irish, who have a noble reputation as drinkers, and
drinking is really the only thing that lends my writing any credence.
I've
literally no idea what is going on, because I don't care and haven't
been paying attention
I'm
so tired of the comic book revolution. There can be only one and that
was Watchmen.
Turned
it off.
1/10
The
teenage girl is bloody annoying, but then teenagers are, it's not
their fault.
It's
just so flat, there's no excitement, or depth to the emotion one
might have about the characters. The action is sparse and
deliberately brief, the authentic briefness I like... but if you're
lacking in gunfights, you really need to have a soul, a core, and an
annoying, grumpy teenager ain't it.
Jeff
Bridges is perfect in this role though. It came at the right time for
him.
How
long is this film? Feels long.
It's
not awful, but neither is it Oscar worthy in my opinion. I spent the
whole film wishing I was watching a better western.
5/10
The
trailer for Justice League was encouraging, given how poor Batman vs
Superman was. I was a huge fan of the Zack Snyder Man of Steel film,
I got goosebumps in the cinema. Watching Supes slide up a skyscraper
in 3D was a treat, after damn near 35 years since blue screen made us
in no way convinced a man lying on carpet in front a giant fan was
freely aviating the globe.
These
ensemble films are always in danger of being hoisted by their own
petard, too many superheroes spoil the CGI spunkathon, etc. Sometimes
humour can save the film, sometimes it's a surprise sombre element,
which Man of Steel had at a certain point- the cinema my brother and
I saw Man of Steel in had a woman wail at the point I'm referring to,
clearly hit a nerve and whoever she is, I empathise. I hope you are
Ok now. It was only 3D glasses which hid my bleary eyes from a date
watching Up, days after a very much loved and missed family member
passed away. Sometimes the weirdest films just get you.
But
what tack does Justice League take? At 25 minutes it's a somewhat
bland, effects heavy, middle of the road.
I
don't know why I continue to watch these films expecting some
originality. Perhaps it is because we were spoiled by Nolan's Batman
trilogy, which got better with time and by the film.
Another
reason Batman was so successful, the monsters were believable, of
human origin. NOT CGI beasties.
Minute
counting is never a good sign. Yet I'm doing it again. Willing myself
to make it half way through. It's so boring, despite Jason Momoa
being good, and my actually quite liking the Batfleck and Flash.
I
made it through numerous Star Wars sequels, half a dozen or so Batman
films and was even paying to see Iron Man 3 at the cinema; I don't
think my devotion can be doubted. However. Fuck superheroes, fuck
unintelligent film making, fuck CGI and fuck this shit I ain't
covering it even to broaden my appeal. It's horrible. I'm putting The
Revenant back on.
Looking
back, it appears I was a bit angry about something while writing
this! No idea what now though.
1/10
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