The Bedsit Cinema Cutting Room Floor: The Bad!





Having written a hundred published reviews, in varying states of sobriety and sanity, I thought it'd be fun to look over some of my unfinished writing, tidy it up, and spew it out at you. Which is where we are now! This is the films I perhaps wasn't so enamoured with, and for whom I couldn't bring myself to finish completely. There are others, but these are the biggest culprits of banal, boring or bad film making. There is something of a theme.


I don't get it, the women age to twenty five then never grow up? Or grow up really slowly after reaching adulthood? Also how are they reproducing? I'm not desperate to ejaculate XX all over this film, because that would be crude and I wouldn't lower myself. Also the film already does it. A battle hardened feminist society who wear lippy as if they're on a hen do in Bognor? Please, that's men doing that. “You can be feisty and independent and fierce, but we'd better find you sexually attractive or you're getting no airtime.”

Watched at home in 3D, oh did I not tell you the Bedsit Cinema is fully 3D capable? Of course it is. I fucking love 3D, it adds a depth to the picture which puts you more in the story. In my opinion. Plus the glasses make excellent shades if you're skint.

Finding it very boring early on.

Oooh, Ok. The women are sculpted from clay and brought to life by Zeus! Swipe me, how the other half live.

The English aren't portrayed well, which is fair; we're cunts. Although I am also half Irish, who have a noble reputation as drinkers, and drinking is really the only thing that lends my writing any credence.

I've literally no idea what is going on, because I don't care and haven't been paying attention

I'm so tired of the comic book revolution. There can be only one and that was Watchmen.

Turned it off.

1/10



The teenage girl is bloody annoying, but then teenagers are, it's not their fault.

It's just so flat, there's no excitement, or depth to the emotion one might have about the characters. The action is sparse and deliberately brief, the authentic briefness I like... but if you're lacking in gunfights, you really need to have a soul, a core, and an annoying, grumpy teenager ain't it.

Jeff Bridges is perfect in this role though. It came at the right time for him.

How long is this film? Feels long.

It's not awful, but neither is it Oscar worthy in my opinion. I spent the whole film wishing I was watching a better western.

5/10



The trailer for Justice League was encouraging, given how poor Batman vs Superman was. I was a huge fan of the Zack Snyder Man of Steel film, I got goosebumps in the cinema. Watching Supes slide up a skyscraper in 3D was a treat, after damn near 35 years since blue screen made us in no way convinced a man lying on carpet in front a giant fan was freely aviating the globe.

These ensemble films are always in danger of being hoisted by their own petard, too many superheroes spoil the CGI spunkathon, etc. Sometimes humour can save the film, sometimes it's a surprise sombre element, which Man of Steel had at a certain point- the cinema my brother and I saw Man of Steel in had a woman wail at the point I'm referring to, clearly hit a nerve and whoever she is, I empathise. I hope you are Ok now. It was only 3D glasses which hid my bleary eyes from a date watching Up, days after a very much loved and missed family member passed away. Sometimes the weirdest films just get you.

But what tack does Justice League take? At 25 minutes it's a somewhat bland, effects heavy, middle of the road.

I don't know why I continue to watch these films expecting some originality. Perhaps it is because we were spoiled by Nolan's Batman trilogy, which got better with time and by the film.

Another reason Batman was so successful, the monsters were believable, of human origin. NOT CGI beasties.

Minute counting is never a good sign. Yet I'm doing it again. Willing myself to make it half way through. It's so boring, despite Jason Momoa being good, and my actually quite liking the Batfleck and Flash.

I made it through numerous Star Wars sequels, half a dozen or so Batman films and was even paying to see Iron Man 3 at the cinema; I don't think my devotion can be doubted. However. Fuck superheroes, fuck unintelligent film making, fuck CGI and fuck this shit I ain't covering it even to broaden my appeal. It's horrible. I'm putting The Revenant back on.

Looking back, it appears I was a bit angry about something while writing this! No idea what now though.

1/10


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