Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
I’m often asked why I largely review films I’m at least ambivalent on rather than ones I hated. By which I mean one person asked me twice. He was drunk. Or maybe I was. Either way. The answer is because I hated them and don't want to traumatise myself again. The comment stuck, though.
Certain that yet another Marvel film would piss me off (after the gigantic eyefuck that was Endgame) I rented Spider-Man: Far from Home knowing I’d have something to wail about. Ten minutes in I almost turned it off, but because I love you and wanted to complain about something I kept going. I am so Marvelled out, there’s 45 two hour films every year and let’s be honest, if you aren’t a fanboy that’s a bit too much.
Tom Holland as Spider-Man isn’t bad at all, in fact I quite like him in the role. However. What’s with his mate Ned who is clearly a man masquerading as a teenager. I don’t care that his IMDb say the actor (Jacob Batalon) is twenty three, that’s a lie- he’s definitely older than both Luis Ortiz and Obafemi Martins*. Maybe they all have the same passport forger.
The teacher characters are very funny but the lady playing MJ, and I’m not trying to body-shame or whatever, needs a biscuit. Add this to all the typical teenage issue shit they whack in which I was glad to leave behind when I left my teens, and I was mighty annoyed very early.
Like I say, I love you and I persevered. For you.
The set up and excuse for the crap title of the film, having had “Homecoming” for the last one, is that the annoying teenagers are going on holiday in Europe. Via a succession of countries the group end up in London. A succession of countries presumably cynically picked based on where the film will sell best. London has geeks! Geeks with money! Smash London to pieces!
Maybe this sold well to ISIS too.
Jake Gyllenhaal turns up as a character who has a helmet full of farts- I think he's called The Dutch Oven. The Dutch Oven and Spidey initially battle a water monster who tries to sink Venice. Prophetic. The milk turns out to be sour and I elected to be the pussy to drink it.
The villain is the elements earth, fire, water and air. It’s like Captain Planet’s went mad- but much, much less camp.
Consider this review a massive about turn. I had fun.
Like Thor: Ragnarok (oh fuck do I really have to type all of this title again) Spider-Man: Far from Home has enough humour and, for a comic-book film, isn't so over the top I wanted to blow my brains out.
I'm far from being a fanboy and eventually, against my will, very much enjoyed this. 8/10
*Look it up